October 2000
Click here for a complete listing of entries.

October 1, 2000
It's officially October and for my family, October means Halloween, that holidy that celebrates pagan fertility rites by hiding eggs and... What? I'm right in the middle of a journal entry. Can't it wait? Well, if I must.E-Mail.

October 2, 2000
It's officially October and for my family, October means Halloween, that holiday the celebrates the wonders of the endocrine system.E-Mail.

October 3, 2000
Tomorrow is Friday. That means I'm only three years away from being able to use scissors again.E-Mail.

October 4, 2000
We're getting tons of rain here today. Don't know why. I didn't fill out any forms requesting this. Did you?E-Mail.

October 5, 2000
Face it, my Hermit Crab could kick the snot out of your Hermit Crab any day of the week (with the possible exception of most weekdays).E-Mail.

October 6, 2000
Rudy Sarzo is most famous for being the bass player for the quintessential 80s metal band Quiet Riot. Most people don't know that in the studio, he insists that everyone call him Shirley.E-Mail.

October 7, 2000
"My goiter is inflamed only for you."
At least that's what I told the missus last night, hoping it would turn her into a red-hot sex kitten. How could I have know that it was the exact same taunt she heard over and over in elementary school?

October 8, 2000
Since evidently none of my fellow Daily Journal writers actually READ my entries (see September 31), this will NOT be the "month of the bad 80s song." Instead, we have opted for the much easier-to-remember "day of the bitter journal entry." And... we are successful. E-Mail.

October 9, 2000
If only my Mother had known when I was younger that I would grow up to be such a prosperous prairie dog breeder and miniature ferret rancher... You should hear how she talks about me now at the family reunions! E-Mail.

October 10, 2000
I have time for one quick Journal entry before I leave work for the day! I was just remembering back in my junior high days, when I was rather nerdy, perhaps uncool, silly looking, what might be called, uh, gangly. You know, Trapper Keeper caught in my hair, getting turned down by girls, that sort of thing. Lucky, an ancient Chinese man took me under his wing and taught me the way of beef vegetable soup. E-Mail.

October 11, 2000
According to my recently charted biorhythm, today I should avoid making relationship decisions but will excel is farming mollusks.E-Mail.

October 12, 2000
Linament. It's more than just a breakfast drink.E-Mail.

October 13, 2000
In keeping with our pseudo 80's theme this month, today's entry shall take an in-depth look at the sociologial underpinnings found in the lyrics of the band Flock of Seaguls.

Well, I guess Flock of Seaguls were more of a political band so we'll have to table the current discussion.E-Mail.

October 14, 2000
The best superheros have superhuman strength, X-ray vision, and the ability to dance in public without feeling like a complete dork.E-Mail.

October 15, 2000
Am I the only one who thinks Emmy Jo from The New Zoo Review was an absolute goddess? Too bad she only had Doug the Archetype Nerd and a bunch of large-headed animal mutants for companionsh... Wait a minute! What the? Eeeuuuuu.E-Mail.

October 16, 2000
Instead of spending hours upon hours raking leaves this year, I simply trained the neighborhood squirrels to put them in tidy little stacks.E-Mail.

October 17, 2000
I've spent the last few hours looking at the want ads in search of a great part-time job that pays three million dollars a year for me to watch tv. I'm holding out because I want to do something that I'm really passionate about and I deserve the money. E-Mail.

October 18, 2000
I recently traded in all of my monkeys for possums and I have to admit that I can really feel the difference. E-Mail.

October 19, 2000
I've been able to deduce that there are basically two kinds of people: people that ignore me, and people that kick me in the groin. E-Mail.

October 20, 2000
I'm writing a letter to my Congressman. Basically, I have nothing to complain about. I just like to write him letters. I ask him about his favorite kinds of cheeses. He hasn't written back yet, but my guess is that he's a cheddar guy. E-Mail.

October 21, 2000
This could be a Big Bertha entry, but since we barely read this site ourselves, what the heck...
One thing that I'm really not looking forward to is when Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen decide that they are no longer child stars and do the obligatory soft porn film.

October 22, 2000
Retailers are already ramping up for the onslaught of consumers searching for the Mary-Kate doll this Christmas. Of course, no one wants the butt-ugly Ashley doll.E-Mail.

October 23, 2000
Squirrel Pie. On my tie. Wanna cry. But the fly. In the sky. I do spy. Eaten by. The Fry Guy.E-Mail.

October 24, 2000
Since the month ends tomorrow and we are about a week behind in entries, it's time once again to fill these last days with what we in the journal industry refer to as "filler". Or maybe that's the word we use for the sweatsocks we stuff down our pants before we go hang out at gay bars.E-Mail.

October 25, 2000
Editors Note: We apologize for the previous entry. All three of the regular contributers to the Daily Journal are heterosexuals. Flaming heterosexuals with unnatural desires for Martha Stewart, but heterosexuals none-the-less.E-Mail.

October 26, 2000
As a child I would roam the streets in my hand-made artichoke costume, begging passersby for cruciferous vegetables.E-Mail.

October 27, 2000
The other day, one of my main characters in "The Sims" died as he was battling a stove fire in his kitchen. His name was Gern and he was so young and full of life. He had recently hired on as a security guard and was training for a job in the police force. It's just so tragic that this would happen at such a time. Perhaps you think that I take this game too seriously, but I say...wait...my sanitary needs are way too high and I have to take a shower now.E-Mail.

October 28, 2000
If you've never played "The Sims", then that last entry made no sense to you. Also, you probably have a real social life with real people. E-Mail.

October 29, 2000
Part of being a man is watching football and belching...in no particular order. However, these two things are NOT required information for a resume. I learned this one the hard way.E-Mail.

October 30, 2000
This year my son is dressing up as a Ninja for halloween. He's pretty excited about it. It sure is cute too see him so caught up in his imagination like that. However, I'm pretty sure that I'll still be able to kick the crap out of him because my Power Ranger costume rocks.E-Mail.

October 31, 2000
As if we needed any more indication that our educational system is going down the tubes, my son had a rough day at the school halloween party when kids couldn't figure out his costume. FER CRYIN' OUT LOUD! IS IT THAT HARD TO IDENTIFY A SIGMOID COLON?!?E-Mail.