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April 0, 2006
TDJ Blog!
The URL is "http://dailyjournal.tripod.com/blog"

April 1, 2006
After many hours of boring deliberations, we've decided to join the rest of the world and turn TDJ into a blog. We've been doing this for MANY, MANY years so you young blog whipper-snappers can just kiss our gravy boats. If you have any questions or complaints, please keep them to yourself. Life is so much better that way. And now...enjoy!
Now Playing : All We Have is Now--The Flaming Lips

entry # 2,812

April 2, 2006
During a recent instant messaging conversation I was having with a friend the other day, a strange typo occured--at least, we thougth it was a typo. Instead of typing the word, "hiding," Brian typed, "hin=ding." I'm no mathemetician, but curiousity got the best of me and I ran some tests. As it turns out, "hin" does, indeed, equal "ding." Who would have known?
Now Playing : Somebody Loves You -- Phil Keaggy

entry # 2,813

April 3, 2006
My cousin decided to take the bar exam recently--just out of the blue. As it turns out, this "bar exam" is not administered in any of the bars that he's visited.
Now Playing : Sounds like a Hoover vacuum cleaner

entry # 2,814

April 4, 2006
All the guys in the office recently decided that in order to foster greater unity, we should wear the same wigs. However, a fist fight broke out because the sales guys demanded we wear Revolutionary War era wigs and those of us in Marketing are insisting on something from the Raquel Welch Collection.
Now Playing : Solitaire

entry # 2,815

April 5, 2006
I like to do things my own way. For instance, I listen to the traffic reports on the radio AFTER I get to work. That's how I roll!
Now Playing : Absolute Affirmation--Radio 4

entry # 2,816

April 6, 2006
Inserting pictures with Tripod's blogger is as easy as this... Inserting a wheel of cheese doesn't seem to be an option.
Now Playing : the cowbell

entry # 2,817

April 7, 2006
It's a great honor to have a disease named after you. For instance, my great-great-uncle Fungal Warts was given this great honor.
Now Playing : Guster--All the Way Up to Heaven

entry # 2,818

April 8, 2006
Who would have thought that BLOGGING was so easy? For year's we've been doing it the old fashioned way with html, a rock and cornish game hens. I think you'll see greater regularlity from us TDJ folks--speaking of which, I'm headed to the lavatory right now... ...and thanks to this wireless connection, you're right here with me!
Now Playing : Thumbelina Farewell--Ron Sexsmith

entry # 2,819

April 9, 2006
As I sit at my office desk this morning, it has become apparent that my feet are emitting a horrible stench. What do I do in a situation like this?
a) Remove my pants and start crying
b) camp out in the bathroom
c) Remove my pants and start crying
Now Playing : Del Amitri--Opposite View

entry # 2,820

April 10, 2006
Nearly 8 Years of Crap
June of 2006 will mark our 8th year of writing TDJ (now in blog format). If you don't believe me, go here
Now Playing : Lifesavers Underground--Lonely Boy

entry # 2,821

April 11, 2006
I recently started a new job. I'm a creature of habit, so it take a little getting-used-to for me. Anyway, instead of coming into the NEW office this morning, I accidentally went to my OLD office and accidentally peed in all of their napkin dispensers.

entry # 2,822

April 12, 2006
I had to take half a personal day to be around for the cable guy to show up. Not knowing when he might surprise me, I took special precautions. When I needed to hop in the shower, I left a note on the door that read as follows:

In retrospect, I'm not sure if this was a good idea or not, but Dave and I have really bonded.
Now Playing : PFR--Goldie's Last Day

entry # 2,823

April 13, 2006
Easter is only days away and I haven't decided what to get for my wife. I'm torn between a basket of candy chocolates, or a large salted stick of emu jerky.

I hate to get her the same thing every year, but what can I say -- she really likes emu jerky.
Now Playing : egg

entry # 2,824

April 14, 2006
It's Good Friday, and I'm at work. No one else is here. What am I doing here? Why am I here?

There are a few good things about being in an empty office. LIST TIME!!!

1) I can run up and down the hallway singing old Paula Abdul hits. With no pants on. Which, technically, I do on most Fridays anyway.

2) I can make hundreds of photocopies of my bare feet and put them in all of the mailboxes. Which, technically, I do on the 14th of every month.

3) I can take all of the Funyons out of the vending machine and stuff them into the tampon dispenser in the women's restroom. Which, technically didn't work, because then I got hungry for Funyons, so I ended up spending $15 buying my Funyons back from the tampon dispenser.
Now Playing : New Kids on the Block - Greatest Hits

entry # 2,825

April 15, 2006
Hair that gets bigger instead of longer + headphones = my currently lovely do.
Now Playing : They Might Be Giants-- Fingertips

entry # 2,826

April 16, 2006
Three years ago a "super-group" called OSI released an album that was better than sliced bread. It was even better than sliced rice cakes, which I guess isn't saying that much. They finally got together and released a follow-up. After one listen my response was hopeful but I didn't fall instantly in love with it... the perfect response. You see, we TDJ music-dorks have the theory that the albums that grow on you are the best. Those "quick-fix" ones that are instantly likeable are usually pretty shallow and wear thin after a few listens. But, as in this, case, the albums that catch you ear a just a bit on the first listen (such as this part playing right now where the sound is a cross between 50s sci-fi and 80s synths) are usually the ones with enough going on that it takes multiple listens to fully digest. And digestion is what it's all about. Because if you can't digest it the music just causes blockage and constipation, requiring expensive trips to the local medical facility for colonic irrigation and whatnot. And we all know how much fun those "whatnots" are, don't we?

Now that I think about it, our switch from the old format to the blog is most fitting as we no longer have anything entertaining or amusing to write so we can just write down our thoughts, as I did above. Of course now that we have nothing new to offer our readership will skyrocket. I need to visit the mens room.
Now Playing : OSI - Free

entry # 2,827

April 17, 2006
I saw my first official tornado this past Friday. Today I decided to invest in the adult diaper industry.
Now Playing : Sam Roberts - Brother Down

entry # 2,828

April 18, 2006
This just in: Hoffman is a cranky old goat. But here at TDJ we like goats, once they have been properly cooked over an open flame.
Now Playing : True Margrit - Losing Face By Degree

entry # 2,829

April 19, 2006
In checking the online site of our local paper I found the above NEWS VIEWS story. Yes, you read that right, some guy updates his blog and our local newspaper considers that front-page newsworthy! There's not much more I need to say.

Now Playing : Kevin Gilbert - Song For A Dead Friend

entry # 2,830

April 20, 2006
You know you're getting old when you get excited that your grocery store once again carries your favorite yogurt. And the incontinence thing.
Now Playing : Sleepytime Gorilla Museum - Sleep Is Wrong

entry # 2,831

April 21, 2006
The weekend is nearly here, and quittin' time at ye ole job just can't come soon enough. This weekend should be an eventful one, as I've got big plans. The travelling circus is in town and, like every year this time spring, I'm a-gonna skin me a carnie.
Now Playing : Corn Mo -- Busey Boy

entry # 2,832

April 22, 2006
Well, after many days of testing, I've received some good news: I am not mentally retarded. I'm just stupid.
Now Playing : Footsie with my cube mate

entry # 2,833

April 23, 2006
Owls are actually overweight birds. It's a scientific fact. They LOOK cool because they hide it with all of those feathers and the big dumb eyes--but they're just fatties.
Now Playing : "Easy" -- Matthew Sweet

entry # 2,834

April 24, 2006
Only at 9:16 in the morning at work would someone see a link for "See the ash basket I made for my new BBQ" and not only click on it but click on all four views! It wasn't long after I got out of college that the Internet as introduced to the business world but I've heard the old-timers say that back then they actually worked between nine and five... and made photocopies of their elbows.
Now Playing : The Syrups - Forgot My Face

entry # 2,835

April 25, 2006
Every time I vote in the primaries and whisk through the line that isn't there, I think about the November elections and how I'll have to wait in line with a bunch of uninformed losers who can't be bothered to go out in the rain to vote in the primaries. This all makes me think that primary voters should be given a FastPass ticket that allows them to jump to the head of the November election lines so that, like always, we can dutifully write in our vote for Homer Simpson for Congress.
Now Playing : Sleepytime Gorilla Museum - Ambugaton

entry # 2,836

April 26, 2006
Sometimes I have a bowel movement just because I'm bored.
Now Playing : Fluid Imbibers - I'm a Nation

entry # 2,837

April 27, 2006
"We apologize for the delay and value your business, but not so much that we would actually hire more staff."
Now Playing : hold music

entry # 2,838

April 28, 2006
Cinco De Poopo In retailiation for the May 1 demonstrations in which illegal Mexicans attempted to derail the mighty United States economy with laughingly uneffective, strangely organized demonstrations, I for one will be boycotting all Cinco De Mayo festivities. Instead of Mexican beer I shall have a hearty German brew and instead of a marguaritte I shall drink egg nog mixed with lighter fluid, just like grandpa used to make.

entry # 2,839

April 29, 2006
In response to last week's defamatory blog entries, The Journal has been boycotted for the past week.

Sadly, no one noticed.
Now Playing : Menudo

entry # 2,840

April 30, 2006
Cinco De Mayo is the celebration of Mexico being able to ward off the French army. Yeah. Rah. Like this is something to celebrate... I've seen Little League teams ward off the French army.
Now Playing : The PaperChase - The House Is Alive And The House Is Hungry

entry # 2,841