November 1, 2001
Kids, if you must disport, make sure you have a designated straight man. E-Mail.

November 2, 2001
Though they are sometimes a hassle to get through narrow doorways, I really can't repine about my eighteen-point antlers - they're a real chick magnet! E-Mail.

November 3, 2001
My high school gym teacher was quite the troglodyte, always making us play football in the rain and then clubbing the losing team with a well-gnawed bone. E-Mail.

November 4, 2001
Though I had originally planned to become the first man to chew his own arm off, these plans were in abeyance while my dentures were in the shop. E-Mail.

November 5, 2001
How wierd!!! My neighbor's wife just filled me in on her secret desire to move to New York city in order to take on the life of a gamine. Of course, I didn't bother to tell her about the collection of severed ferret heads that I keep in the camper that NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO ENTER UNLESS THEY KNOW THE SECRET DANCE! E-Mail.

November 6, 2001
I'm sorry, but when I overhear my wife uttering "hide the remote from daddy so that he'll take a bath and and we can clean the grease spot off of the couch," to our children, I consider that an act of sedition. E-Mail.

November 7, 2001
Although I've lied about it countless times to my wife and mother, I do, indeed have lubricious feelings for Gavin MacLeod, better known as "Captain Stubing" from TV's The Love Boat. E-Mail.

November 8, 2001
Being just weeks away from the birth of my first child is very exciting. I'm looking forward to the free beef jerky that I hear the hospitals in the Midwest give away for firstborn daughters. I'm also looking forward to that euphoric state of hebetude I plan to enter as soon as I become a parent. E-Mail.

November 9, 2001
I'll never forget Larry Sharpenburg from high school. He had an unusual acuity to determine hostess items within a 500 foot range. Poor kid died at 17 from a heart attack. E-Mail.

November 10, 2001
Whenever the trials of life get too difficult for me, I seek the calming sanctum of my parents septic tank. E-Mail.

November 11, 2001
There ain't nuthin' like the empyrean delight of shootin' critters with yer best dog and a full cooler of cold'uns. E-Mail.

November 12, 2001
Another handy business tip from Uncle Sasquatch: When in a business meeting, it is always appropriate to interject the word "horseradish" into any phrase using the term "leverage", and then to exit the room without demur or explanation. E-Mail.

November 13, 2001
Although he was later known for his rodomontade about his lesser limb, there was actually some truth to his story about how he became known as "Jelly Roll Morton." E-Mail.

November 14, 2001
Today's dictionary.com "Word of the Day" is gallimaufry, which is actually just another word for hodgepodge. So, what I want to know is, do we really need another word for hodgepodge? English speaking citizens of the world UNITE! E-Mail.

November 15, 2001
Today's word is impregnable. There's just not much that's funny about that word--except, sometimes my wife and I wish she were impregnable. E-Mail.

November 16, 2001
While most of my work colleagues have been trained in the art of elegance and refined living, I remain about as urbane as a toothless redneck at a monster truck convention. E-Mail.

November 17, 2001
My bibulous friend, Larry, tried to keep his wine obsession a secret. Unfortunatly, the cat was let out of the bag when he showed up to work late wearing only his boxer shorts--on his head. E-Mail.

November 18, 2001
When I referred to Edna as a "know-it-all, good-for-nothing, pompous, pain in the lower extremities" in my recent letter to the editor, I may have come off as somewhat acerbic--especially since she's my mother. E-Mail.

November 19, 2001
As TDJ writers, if we continue to incorporate new words via dictionary.com into our vocabulary it redounds to our own intellectual growth. It's just a good thing we manage to nullify its effects with a good steady dose 4-6 daily hours of WWF Smackdown reruns. E-Mail.

November 20, 2001
Despite his reputation for being languid after the monthly church picnic, I've found that my minister can be pretty quick on his feet with the right motivation... such as a six pack of Little Debbie treats suspended above the baptismal. E-Mail.

November 21, 2001
Yes, the rumors are true. I have a prediliction for heaping mounds of Spam carved into the likeness of Estelle Getty. With gravy. E-Mail.

November 22, 2001
Uncle Coffeegrinds kept telling us that is was just repletion from Thanksgiving dinner but we all knew that his sudden bloating was due to his chronic flatulence. E-Mail.

November 23, 2001
Few people outside the scientific community are aware that if you leave a turkey carcass out on the kitchen counter overnight, it will transmute into an incredible likeness of Steven Chang Stevens, Home Improvements crew leader at K-Mart #3254. E-Mail.

November 24, 2001
As I sat down to eat yet another Thanksgiving feast at yet another relatives house, I yet again found myself unable to forgo the obligatory tradition of smothering myself in cranberry jelly and telling the story of the time I plugged up Aunt Stapler's toilet with my massive output. E-Mail.

November 25, 2001
When I suggested that we do a journal entry each day with a word from Das Word Zum De Day, I never imagined how difficult it would become. Nor did I imagine how stupid some of the words would be. Today's word is abed, which means "in bed." Using this logic, I could quite easily come up with lots of new words, such as "astove", "agarbage", and my favorite, "atoilet." E-Mail.

November 26, 2001
Malapropism is one of those words that you always wonder what the word for it is called, plus it's good for scrabble. E-Mail.

November 27, 2001
In high school I ran around with a bunch of soi-disant socialists who would frequently help themselves to whatever I had. E-Mail.

November 28, 2001
By now you can probably tell that we just don't care about quality for the dreaded period of November 2001, but there are only two more days until the end, and that is cause for paean. E-Mail.

November 29, 2001
There are those who would say that The Daily Journal is little more than flummery, to which my reasoned, measured reply is, "Oh yeah... well, right back at you!" E-Mail.

November 30, 2001
I think it is safe to say that for the Daily Journal correspondants, the end of the crushing month of Word Of The Day entries will not be a dolorous event. In fact, I think I see Roger getting his groove back even as I write... E-Mail.