Sleptember 2005
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Sleptember 1, 2005
Lawn darts--they're not just for breakfast anymore

Sleptember 2, 2005
At TDJ, when we find a formula that works, we run with it, as can be seen from yesterday's entry and the following entries from the past:

January 15, 1999
Mork and Mindy : They're not just for breakfast anymore!

March 2, 1999
Corned beef, Goat cheese, and Rocky Mountain Oysters: The Breakfast of Champions!

March 10, 2003
Keebler Elves are not just for breakfast anymore!

October 12, 2000
Linament. It's more than just a breakfast drink.

December 6, 2003
Finally, Post has united the great taste and crunch of Grape Nuts with gum. New Grape Nuts Gum is an easy way to get your breakfast while you're on the run!

April 27, 2005
Gangren-Os! Tiny, chewy, multi-colored bits breakfast fun... fortified with eight essential vitamins, plus riboflavin.

Sleptember 2, 2005
There are a number of reasons behind the longevity and contiued popularity of the Rolling Stones but chief among them is their refusal to share billing with the Captain and Tennille.

Sleptember 3, 2005
My wife has been working a summer job since May, but now that fall is almost here, she will go back to her previous employment as a Saddle Fitter for dachsunds.

Sleptember 4, 2005
It's Labor Day weekend here in the states, and around our house that means one thing: Pop Tarts and gravy on the grill.

Sleptember 5, 2005
Holidays. It's nice having a Monday off work. Even if my boss did call me this morning and ask where I had been for the past three weeks.

Sleptember 6, 2005
I'm heading to St. Louis this weekend with the wife and kids. We thought about going to a Cardinals game or to the zoo, but I personally think our children are finally old enough that we can visit the Shoe Salesman Hall of Fame on the east side.

Sleptember 7, 2005
My headache is back. My wife thinks it's because I had too much beer last night but I know it's because I upset the ghost of Doug Henning when he magically (er, sorry... "It's an ill-USION!") appeared while I was trying to invoke the recently departed spirit of Bob Denver. How was I to know he didn't like being hit on the head with a skipper's hat?

Sleptember 8, 2005
I have no problem with trimming my ear hair while at work because it was grown during work hours.

Sleptember 9, 2005
Tonight the Mrs. and I are going to the Grabill Town Fair and I'm gonna pick me a fight with the Amish.

Sleptember 10, 2005
On this day back in 1847, a young inventor/farmer completed the first of many experiments that would eventually land him in his state's sanitarium. That state was Indiana and that man was my great, great, great grandmother.

Sleptember 11, 2005
If you like gravy and you know it smack your lips!
If you like gravy and you know it smack your lips!
If you like gravy and you know it then your gut will surely show it
If you like gravy and you know it smack your lips!

Sleptember 12, 2005
My favorite part of riding the bus 40 minutes each way during elementary school was the time it afforded me for deep personal introspection while the two bullies took turns "frogging" my arms into a pliable mush.

Sleptember 13, 2005
While it is true that all three regular contributers to this here TDJ play the guitar, only two of them harbor fantasies involving Mrs. Butterworth and a steaming stack of human-sized pancakes.

Sleptember 14, 2005
Stuck in a never-ending meeting I drew upon my years of watching MacGyver and constructed a smoke bomb out of pocket lint, a ballpoint pen spring, a sheet of Kleenex, a match, and a smoke bomb. By the time the smoke cleared I was fully dressed in my pink bunny mascot costume and able to hop around the room to the delight of all!

Sleptember 15, 2005
Should you get brave and decide to try something other than your usual at your favorite oriental restaurant and find that you actually like this new dish STOP RIGHT THERE! DON'T KEEP TRYING NEW THINGS because you've beaten the odds.

Sleptember 16, 2005
If I were President of the United States I would wear a spandex superhero costume and nuke any country whose prime minister dares to laugh in my presence.

Sleptember 17, 2005
Today they treated us to a free pizza lunch at work. After we had all gorged ourselves and lay sluggishly in our breakroom chairs they closed the doors, dimmed the lights, and unleashed the rabid weazuls. Three horrific minutes later the lights came back on and the survivors were allowed to keep their jobs. Downsizing is a terrible thing.

Sleptember 18, 2005
Riding your bike to work : It's not just for DUI's anymore!

Sleptember 19, 2005
Man, am I tired at work today! I didn't get much sleep last night because I was rousted out of my bed at 2:30 and brought before the Sanhedrin to stand trial on my penchant for collecting Russ Troll dolls. Sleepy though I am, their bushy wild hair still makes me chuckle.

Sleptember 21, 2005
This weekend marks the third anniversary of the date when I started to celebrate anniversaries of previously non-important days, realizing that each day is special and should be acknowledged in it's own special way. This weekend's special way involves Grape Nuts.

Sleptember 22, 2005
This weekend I bought thirty-six pounds of apples. The board of directors won't allow me to divulge the reason for my investment but suffice it to say that we will soon be having regular meetings.

Sleptember 23, 2005
While I was gnoshing on a bag of Doritos I noticed that they are now "Nacho Cheesier!" and "Now Better Tasting!". How could Doritos get any better? Are they not the standard by which other store-branded nacho-flavored chips are measured? Aren't they the bomb?! Am I alone in this? Let me know... drop me a line, check out my Dorito blog, join the Dorito street team... LET'S GET THE WORD OUT, PEOPLE!

Sleptember 24, 2005
Thanksgiving is just two months away... the unofficial day of all-you-can-drink gravy!

Sleptember 25, 2005
Funyons are nature's way of telling us that Chuck Bronson was robbed of an Academy Award in much of his early acting work.

Sleptember 26, 2005
Sitting at work, trying to pretend I have important things to be doing, has got me thinking: Say it is hundreds of years in the future, and we are in a space ship, thousands of light years away from Earth, and we start to fly really, really fast. Say the ship is made of a strange new magnesium alloy which attracts mutant space creatures, but we have a large forcefield that also repels harmful aliens. And perhaps the ship is propelled by a mixture of propane, ethyl alcohol, and gaseous maple syrup. And while we are manning the futuristic space ship controls, we are also drinking a hearty portion of liquid cheese. Do you think in that setting, I'd still be lactose intolerant?

I'll be working on typing up a presentation about my findings soon, because my boss wants to know what I've been working on today.

Sleptember 27, 2005
From the recent headlines....scary.

Sleptember 28, 2005
I recently fashioned a suit out of iceberg and romaine lettuce so that I can walk-around unseen at the salad bar.

Sleptember 29, 2005
Thanks to two prolific TDJ writers, I haven't had to write many entries this month. It's allowed me to spend more time with my kids at home...making moonshine.

Sleptember 30, 2005
I am currently experiencing a strange, yet-to-be-named phenomenon. I can go all weekend without nary a twitch from the poo gland nerve where normally it ignites at least once a day. But then, after an uneventful two days, as soon as my buttocks make contact with my chair at work it awakens... sans coffee! If you, too experience this, drop us a note and go into great detail.