Happy Fun Time
Mood:  party time!
Now Playing: Corn Mo -- Busey Boy
Topic: carnies
The weekend is nearly here, and quittin' time at ye ole job just can't come soon enough. This weekend should be an eventful one, as I've got big plans. The travelling circus is in town and, like every year this time spring, I'm a-gonna skin me a carnie.

Now Playing: Sleepytime Gorilla Museum - Sleep Is Wrong
You know you're getting old when you get excited that your grocery store once again carries your favorite yogurt. And the incontinence thing.

Pigeons in my Pants
Mood:  accident prone
Now Playing: Kevin Gilbert - Song For A Dead Friend
In checking the online site of our local paper I found the above NEWS VIEWS story. Yes, you read that right, some guy updates his blog and our local newspaper considers that front-page newsworthy! There's not much more I need to say.

Tornadoes (or is it "Tornados"? Ask Dan Quayle)
Mood:  suave
Now Playing: Sam Roberts - Brother Down
I saw my first official tornado this past Friday. Today I decided to invest in the adult diaper industry.

Newsflash
Mood:  loud
This just in: Hoffman is a cranky old goat. But here at TDJ we like goats, once they have been properly cooked over an open flame.

Promises, promises
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: OSI - Free
Three years ago a "super-group" called OSI released an album that was better than sliced bread. It was even better than sliced rice cakes, which I guess isn't saying that much. They finally got together and released a follow-up. After one listen my response was hopeful but I didn't fall instantly in love with it... the perfect response. You see, we TDJ music-dorks have the theory that the albums that grow on you are the best. Those "quick-fix" ones that are instantly likeable are usually pretty shallow and wear thin after a few listens. But, as in this, case, the albums that catch you ear a just a bit on the first listen (such as this part playing right now where the sound is a cross between 50s sci-fi and 80s synths) are usually the ones with enough going on that it takes multiple listens to fully digest. And digestion is what it's all about. Because if you can't digest it the music just causes blockage and constipation, requiring expensive trips to the local medical facility for colonic irrigation and whatnot. And we all know how much fun those "whatnots" are, don't we?

Now that I think about it, our switch from the old format to the blog is most fitting as we no longer have anything entertaining or amusing to write so we can just write down our thoughts, as I did above. Of course now that we have nothing new to offer our readership will skyrocket. I need to visit the mens room.

Workin' for The Man
Mood:  special
Now Playing: They Might Be Giants-- Fingertips
Topic: work
It's Good Friday, and I'm at work. No one else is here. What am I doing here? Why am I here?

There are a few good things about being in an empty office. LIST TIME!!!

1) I can run up and down the hallway singing old Paula Abdul hits. With no pants on. Which, technically, I do on most Fridays anyway.

2) I can make hundreds of photocopies of my bare feet and put them in all of the mailboxes. Which, technically, I do on the 14th of every month.

3) I can take all of the Funyons out of the vending machine and stuff them into the tampon dispenser in the women's restroom. Which, technically didn't work, because then I got hungry for Funyons, so I ended up spending $15 buying my Funyons back from the tampon dispenser.

Easter is a-comin'
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: New Kids on the Block - Greatest Hits
Topic: holidays
Easter is only days away and I haven't decided what to get for my wife. I'm torn between a basket of candy chocolates, or a large salted stick of emu jerky.

I hate to get her the same thing every year, but what can I say -- she really likes emu jerky.

Nearly 8 Years of Crap
Now Playing: Lifesavers Underground--Lonely Boy
June of 2006 will mark our 8th year of writing TDJ (now in blog format). If you don't believe me, go here

Note to Cable Guy
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: PFR--Goldie's Last Day
I had to take half a personal day to be around for the cable guy to show up. Not knowing when he might surprise me, I took special precautions. When I needed to hop in the shower, I left a note on the door that read as follows:



In retrospect, I'm not sure if this was a good idea or not, but Dave and I have really bonded.

Wrong Office
Mood:  accident prone
I recently started a new job. I'm a creature of habit, so it take a little getting-used-to for me. Anyway, instead of coming into the NEW office this morning, I accidentally went to my OLD office and accidentally peed in all of their napkin dispensers.

Smelly shoes
Mood:  smelly
Now Playing: Del Amitri--Opposite View
Topic: pants
As I sit at my office desk this morning, it has become apparent that my feet are emitting a horrible stench. What do I do in a situation like this?

a) Remove my pants and start crying
b) camp out in the bathroom
c) Remove my pants and start crying

Blogging Is So Easy
Mood:  surprised
Now Playing: Thumbelina Farewell--Ron Sexsmith
Who would have thought that BLOGGING was so easy? For year's we've been doing it the old fashioned way with html, a rock and cornish game hens. I think you'll see greater regularlity from us TDJ folks--speaking of which, I'm headed to the lavatory right now...

...and thanks to this wireless connection, you're right here with me!

My Great Great Uncle
Now Playing: Guster--All the Way Up to Heaven
Topic: diseases
It's a great honor to have a disease named after you. For instance, my great-great-uncle Fungal Warts was given this great honor.

Traffic Reports
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: the cowbell
Topic: traffic reports
I like to do things my own way. For instance, I listen to the traffic reports on the radio AFTER I get to work. That's how I roll!

Inserting Pictures
Mood:  quizzical
Now Playing: Absolute Affirmation--Radio 4
Inserting pictures with Tripod's blogger is as easy as this...



Inserting a wheel of cheese doesn't seem to be an option.

Office Wigs
Now Playing: Solitaire
All the guys in the office recently decided that in order to foster greater unity, we should wear the same wigs. However, a fist fight broke out because the sales guys demanded we wear Revolutionary War era wigs and those of us in Marketing are insisting on something from the Raquel Welch Collection.

Bar Exam
Mood:  smelly
Now Playing: Sounds like a Hoover vacuum cleaner
My cousin decided to take the bar exam recently--just out of the blue. As it turns out, this "bar exam" is not administered in any of the bars that he's visited.

Typos to Scientific Theorems
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: Somebody Loves You -- Phil Keaggy
During a recent instant messaging conversation I was having with a friend the other day, a strange typo occured--at least, we thougth it was a typo. Instead of typing the word, "hiding," Brian typed, "hin=ding." I'm no mathemetician, but curiousity got the best of me and I ran some tests. As it turns out, "hin" does, indeed, equal "ding." Who would have known?

Screw it---we're going to a blog
Now Playing: All We Have is Now--The Flaming Lips
After many hours of boring deliberations, we've decided to join the rest of the world and turn TDJ into a blog. We've been doing this for MANY, MANY years so you young blog whipper-snappers can just kiss our gravy boats. If you have any questions or complaints, please keep them to yourself. Life is so much better that way. And now...enjoy!